So it's officially been two months since my last blog post.
[insert embarrassed face emoji here]
In all fairness to myself, things have been a lot crazier than I planned on them being. Remember when I thought I was doing better? I wasn't. And I knew that if I blogged about anything remotely positive the past two months, I would feel like a liar. So in an attempt to stay genuine, I shied away from blogging (and most social media) altogether. I just didn't feel like pretending everything was okay when it wasn't. Sure, there were some really great moments- visiting my bestie in NYC, going on a cruise, etc. But I was still having panic attacks almost every other day, and I thought about ending my life far more often than I'd like to admit.
I'm not going to say that everything is perfect now- I still have my bad days, and I don't think those will ever go away. But today, I'm filled with hope, because I know that I'll be able to conquer those bad days and keep them from becoming bad weeks. I am so proud of all of the progress I've made the past couple months, especially when things felt like they were never going to get better. I'm in an amazing place right now- a place that feels exciting and new and unlike anything I've ever felt before. Even in my "up" periods, I could never shake the feeling that there would be an inevitable "down." Now I know that if a down comes, I'll be ready for it. Basically, I feel strong as f*ck, and that's an amazing thing.
As for what's next? I'd like to get back to this blog and start posting more, now that I have time. I'm also planning on studying for the LSAT... because DUN DUN DUN I might be going to law school! Oh and I also might be casually moving to Florida. But it's not official so I don't want to go shouting it from the rooftops quite yet!
I also want to thank all of you for your kind words after my last couple posts- it meant so much to me to have people reach out and offer their support. I felt so alone back when all of this started, and y'all helped me feel like I had people in my corner. It made a world of difference in a time when every little bit mattered. So again- I'm incredibly grateful that y'all are even reading this blog, much less commenting on it!
TTFN- promise it won't be another two months before you hear from me! ;)